don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
