Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
