I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
