I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
