I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
