I accidentally had phone sex last night
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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