Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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