Whats the glycemic index on semen?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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