he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
