no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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