Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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