dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
