No, drunk sperm still make babies.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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