I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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