I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
