mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
