Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
