Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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