i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
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