I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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