oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
