tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why did my mother make you get naked?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
