I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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