It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God, I missed his penis.
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