if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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