my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
