even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
