I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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