His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
