id be glad to
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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