does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he puts the penis in happiness.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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