Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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