she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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