If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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