if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
