New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
