I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
