i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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