I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
