I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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