no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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