Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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