the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
