i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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