a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
