he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
