Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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