Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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