You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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