i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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