Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
