I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
only you would photoshop your dick
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
