I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
