i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
