Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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