Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize