The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
