So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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