wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
