im holly from the hills drunk
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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