if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
