just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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