Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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