so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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