I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
