I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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