is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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