i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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