Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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