how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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