if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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