I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
