Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
