I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
