Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
