We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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