He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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